I don't know if I stated this or not but I didn't get into grad school last year. I was "wait-listed" after contacting my first choice to see what was going on...it was almost May and I hadn't heard anything. To say I was shocked would be an understatement and an overstatement at the same time. I was shocked because I believed I was a shoe-in. I had the grades, the test scores, the resume...everything. Why wouldn't this little school want me? But I wasn't shocked because I had bullshitted with my application. I got great recommendations but I rushed the essay portion and to be honest, my GRE scores could have been better. My resume should have been a CV to outline all of the public health research I have completed...so many things could have been better...had I just took the time.
Months later I can admit that now. I can say to myself "You didn't do what you should have done to win." I think what hurts most is to know that I didn't try my hardest...it's one thing to do all you can and get rejected, but it's quite another thing to get rejected while being lazy. Because all I can do is blame myself. And I do.
But I can't dwell on the past.
The past few months I have been looking at schools again. I also have been studying message boards (one in particular actually...the grad cafe), and trying to find blogs...the key word: TRYING. I don't know why it's so hard to find blogs written by people who wish to pursue higher education. Message Boards are cool but limited...and I think it would be extremely helpful to read about other people's journey...but I digress. I did my homework. I plotted and planned. And decided...I would try again. This time I selected a few other schools (one in particular that my friends told me to go for but I didn't because I thought I wasn't good enough...) and I'm going to try again.
And I'm going to give it my all this time.
Pray for me.