Wednesday, January 29, 2014

PROSE: The War (because suicide is real...)

I fought for today to be a good day.
I really did.
And no matter how hard I fought, it felt that I kept getting knocked down.
Fall down 20 times, get back up 21. But on that 21st knock down, I gave up.
I FOUGHT for today. 
Through the hopelessness, despair, the pain, the turmoil
I continued to fight. 
I tried to look at the positive. I looked for that silver lining. 
I looked for that light at the end of the tunnel.
But this battle was bigger than me. 
I am a beautiful tormented dreamer who takes pride in rising above the pain.
But sometimes that pain is too much to bear.
But I kept fighting
I kept screaming for help until I lost my voice. 
And in that one moment, I gave in. And I cried.
Not just for myself but for those who didn't ever have a voice
For my ancestors who fought every day of their life but never had a good day
For the children on the streets 
For the homeless.
The sick. The vulnerable. The lost. The misunderstood. The ones in pain and don't know why.
The ones who also fought for today and gave up on not just today, but on every day. 
I cried for them. I cry for them.
I let go and I lost today's battle. 
But I refuse to lose the war.
Because I am here for a reason. I am beautiful. Extraordinary. Amazing. Talented. And fuck being humble, I was made in the image of God. How could I NOT be great?

You are great.
You are amazing.
You are perfect the way you are.
You are loved. 

And if no one told you today, I told you. 

NOTE...I am not suicidal. but there are many who are. and i was reminded of that today. despite how happy you look on the outside, the pain on the inside is what is real. if you are feeling down and out, know there is help. you are not alone. we all lose the battle once and a while, but the war is what we are fighting for. the war is what we will win.