Wednesday, August 14, 2013

MOTIVATION: Working Out Is Not Really Working Out...

Do ya'll remember when I said I was gonna start working out more? It was in this post here: "Getting Motivate". I was about EVERYTHING. I even included a picture of my inspiration Massey (who, by the way, has become way to muscular for my taste. I prefer still getting fit Massey to I'm in competitions now Massey). I got the gym membership and then I was on my way!!

I don't know if I said this before but in March one of my friends commented on my weight gain AND touched me. Listen...I felt like a violated pregnant woman. You don't just touch someone's stomach or fat rolls without asking. The audacity! However, I let it go and realized that it's not only me who sees it but others, so I came up with a plan.

In April I actually hit the gym pretty hard. I mean 5 days a week hard. I was angry. I was hurt. I was misguided and a lot of things in my life were out of control. The gym (and my diet) I could control. Working out took my mind off of a lot of things and made me feel pretty good...until one day in June I came home from the gym (a Sunday, it was raining) to a missed call from my dad about my aunt, random stress, and just general malaise led to me a crying spell on my bed in stank sweaty gym clothes. I was pushing myself in various areas way too hard and in that day it all culminated and came out in the form of tears. I couldn't explain to anyone how I felt, so I just used my aunt as an excuse (which was part of the reason, my dad was hurt so I hurt) and took a shower where I cried more. I cut back on the gym (2 times a week plus one dance class) and everything was a bit better.

Then I was sick. I somehow developed a mild case of bronchitis and let me tell you, I was coughing day and night for weeks at a time. The only time I didn't cough was while I worked out OR when I was sucking on cough drops. It got to the point where I'd knock back a bag of cough drops a day. Even before I went to bed, I'd pop one in my mouth and pray I wouldn't choke on it in my sleep. I wasn't well.

I needed rest. So I rested.
And rested.
And rested.

And now here it is, mid August and I haven't been back to the gym since the end of June. Now this is ridiculous because I am paying $30 a month to the YMCA so I can go to the gym. I thought that actually paying for the gym would motivate me to go to the gym, but I was wrong. The money is being taken directly from my bank account so I don't "miss" the money. But when I think about it, I feel terrible. I could use that money for other things. But I WANT to go to the gym, I'm just not motivated.

And that's what it all boils down do I get motivated to go the gym? Better yet, HOW DO YOU MOTIVATE YOURSELF TO GO? I might just cancel this membership. I decided to keep it until the end of September. If I don't use it by then, I probably won't do it again.