Tuesday, December 31, 2013

"So You Can Keep Your New Year's Revolution!"

Lately I've seen a lot of posts on Facebook and The Twitter saying "No one wants to see your resolutions! It ain't like you gonna keep them", and other variations of the sort. I'm always amused when it gets to be this time of year and people are so negative because THEY couldn't keep their resolution, and neither could their friends or whoever, so they just want to go ahead and put it out there that they don't wan to see what you have to say. And that's cool. Y'all know what works amazingly well? Unfollowing those people you don't want to see...Try it sometime.

Now I don't feel any way bitter about this, I just want to state that fact. This is the thing about resolutions to me...they are personal and they are your own goal. To write them down sometimes solidifies the choices you are making (and you can always look back to see what you said, and to do quality checks. "Am I meeting this goal?) . Sharing your goals with others opens yourself up to support but mainly critique. It's a slippery slope but I personally find motivation in reading and hearing other people's resolutions and seeing that person reach their goal. I like to see good people succeed.

Last year I did a "Getting To Happy" post in December where I set NO Resolutions for 2013. I wanted to continue on the path I was/am on and to see where it leads me...I wanted to try something new. Now I see people recount 2013 and most of it is "This year was so hard...this was the worst year yet...I'm so tired of this..." and for the first time in a long time, I have nothing to complain about. I won't pretend 2013 was spectacular but I can't point out one negative moment that made me sad. That includes losing a friend because honestly, when you stop being negative, all of the negativity in your life will begin to cease. I'm not 100% where I want to be, I still have my times when I backslide, but so many stressors in my life have disappeared over the past year that I can't even begin to open my mouth to complain. I'm happy with 2013 and NOT having a resolution means I'm not beating myself up over what I could have done but didn't. I think I actually accomplished quite a few goals I didn't think I'd ever do. Some goals I faltered on, but I didn't give up on them. I just modified them and set a more reasonable expectation for myself.

But I'm a work in progress. I have begun to set lots of goals for myself for 2014. These aren't resolutions...just goals I want to accomplish. Some are changes I want to make. Some are just things I want to do before I die. Can I share a little secret with you guys? A secret to feeling better about yourself and being more positive? One that I use?


This means...set small obtainable goals for yourself. "I will go to the gym today" (you don't even have to work out, just GO!) and then go. Look, you won! And then after a few weeks of this, modify your goal to make it more challenging. "I will go the gym and do the threadmill for 5 min!". People will say this isn't challenging but it's motivating because once you feel good about the accomplishing even the small things, you will realize it's not that hard, I can do this, I GOT THIS! And as always, your goals should be positive not negative.
Ex. "Stop eating out so much" =negative. "Cook more often" = positive.

Live it. Love it.

If you made it this far, I thank you. I thank everyone who reads my blogs, the ones who leave feedback and comments (whether it's here or in my email), and everyone who supports me in my day to day endeavors to become a better person.


Sunday, December 22, 2013

Bucket List Item #1: My First Time...

NOTE: This blog probably isn't the greatest one for my older family members to read. I mean it's not
BAD but it may be TMI. That said, read at your own risk and please don't text me or ask me about this later (MOM: this means YOU)

In my quest to bring more enjoyment to my life, I have been slowly (but surely) trying to delete things off my bucket list. This blog will be about item #1: GET A BRAZILIAN WAX. Okay Okay...I know you're laughing right now...why would that be on my bucket list? Well several reasons:

  • I have never had one
  • Women think their awesome and apparently so do men. 
  • It's a new experience
I mean I try to stay groomed but really I don't concern myself with it too much. I haven't had complaints and I'm of the belief that pubic hair is necessary and healthier to have. I won't get into that now but I equate hair to being grown, so the preference and desire to be hairless is so childish. However, after a few inquiries into why I am so anti, I decided to give it a try. I bought a groupon but never went through with it (it's still good right?). I talked to friends, I read up on it online, and I consulted several places but I was still in that "hell no" mind state. Until recently when I went to a hot yoga/pilates infusion class and pulled off my sweats. I had on yoga shorts but they had rolled up and OMG, I was looking like a wooly mammoth. I wasn't caring and was just oh so lazy. So because of embarrassment, the next day I went to the new spa place across from my job. They had a $50 special (for two Brazilian waxes). I opted to just pay $30 for one. Thanks to my boss for our Christmas bonus monies!  Anyway everyone had said to take tylenol so it won't hurt as much. But I didn't. I don't know if that would have helped or not. 

Anyway the lady tells me to strip down and lay on the table. She then says "Oh first time?" while dousing me in baby powder. At this point I'm self conscious. I never read about baby powder before, am I funky? I tried to clean up before I came (I didn't want to be THAT woman) and I took a shower that morning. She then begins to rubbing some warm liquid all over me. This isn't too bad. I am on my phone, tweeting "Beyonce Think Pieces" when she puts the first strip on me. I have a high tolerance for pain so I'm just laughing. THIS IS WHERE THINGS CHANGE. 

As soon as she snatches that strip away I drop my phone. I am like OMG! She senses my pain and tells me to "hold this" to make it not hurt as much. Basically I'm holding my skin taunt while she is pulling off all my hair! The first strip pull is the worse, the follow up "clean up" in the same area is okay. But each time she moves to a new area, I start to flinch. Someone calls her and she leaves, she's halfway through and I'm contemplating a 40 year old virgin move and leaving half done. But that's so tacky. I soldier through it. She talks to me about getting health insurance and finding a new OB/GYN who can  help with fertility issues. I recommend some in the building I work in, and casually watch the clock. In total, it took her about 15 minutes. When she was done, she put ALL the baby powder on me and smiled. "Come back in 3 weeks!" I tipped her $10. 

I go to the bathroom later to admire her work. I am completely bald. I haven't seen my vagina look this way since I was 11 or 12. It's so odd but interesting. I tell some of my girlfriends and they laugh at me. Of course the standard "Wait until you have sex" texts are sent to me. Is this why y'all do this? So sex can be amazing? Like there is no other way? "It drives men crazy!" WHAT?!?! 

Days later I am still in shock. I still stare at it like "Did I really just did this?" It's cool...different. I am not swayed toward it, but I am open to keeping this up for a while just for the simple fact that it IS different. 

I just gotta say this is a funny pre-Christmas blog but oh so real. Happy Holidays all (if I don't post again which I probably won't). 

P.S. I am knocking down my bucket list line by line!!! However, as I take off items, I add more. But I guess that's the point right? To enjoy life. I have already decided that when I do my 2014 New Year "Resolutions", I am just going to make the goal to complete 5 things on my bucket list. Oh look. There it is...no separate blog necessary!

As always, follow me on twitter: @StephBMore

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Just "One Night" with Maroon 5 and Malibu Rum!!!!

A few days ago I said this weekend would either be a bust or amazing. Guess what!! It was AMAZING!!!!!! If you follow me on twitter you know that one of my favorite groups of all time is Maroon 5. No lie. If I could only have 3 cds for the rest of my life, "Songs About Jane" would be one of them. That album epitomizes my whole relationship to the point that I almost wrote a short story called "Songs About John"...But I digress. I know I'm being a super fan right now.

Anyway, thanks to Malibu Rum, I had the opportunity to see Maroon 5 last night for FREE. What makes this even more amazing is that since it was sponsored by Malibu Rum, we got free drinks all night LONG plus they gave us a $30 credit to use on Uber (it kinda sucked that it was only good for last night but it really makes a lot of sense. I didn't use it because the venue was right by the C train and I just didn't). Malibu featured four drinks: Malibu & Lemonade, Malibu Black & Coke, Malibu Margarita (that had tequila too, 70 proof), and Malibu Spice Island Drink. I tried one of each, all of them really good. I preferred the Malibu & Lemonade because I like to keep it simple. (And YES! I tipped the bartenders!!! Free drinks means more money for tips!).

Around 1030ish, Maroon 5 hit the stage and we all went crazy. I mean...this is my favorite group. I love love them and I have never seen them live, so for my first time seeing them to be free was like "Look at God". WON'T HE DO IT!!! The band came out to "One Night" and I was like OMG! I was tweeting pictures and videos (not a lot, like 3 pics and 1 video) and then I'm like "NO, I'm here to see Maroon 5." Let me BE in this moment.  (FYI all my pics are not edited. This is straight up from the iPhone 5s).

The band's set includes "This Love", "Shiver", "Sunday Morning", "Moves Like Jagger", "Love Somebody", "Misery", "Payphone",  "Stereo Hearts" (Adam did the whole rap for this song. Yes I have video but it's so blurry from me dancing) and other favorites. I almost lost it on Payphone because that's literally one of my fav songs by them.  They also did a cover of "I Wanna Be Your Lover" by Prince. (YALL KNOW I LOVE PRINCE!) Adam was look all sexy too.  I don't know if I am being biased or not, and I don't know if I was tipsy or not, but they were amazing. It's a rarity (for me) to see a band that has a smooth transition from song to song. James Valentine (lead guitarist) was amazing! I love a great guitarist and he reignited my urge to learn to play!  (On the keyboard in the back is PJ Morton! Love him).

Anyway, it was amazing. I am so thankful to Malibu Rum and Maroon 5 for the experience. And as always, I have included some video for you guys. Maroon 5 doing "This Love" (their second single from Songs About Jane).

P.S. Go to my instagram and see the video snippet of Maroon 5 performing Prince's hit (IG: Steph_Bmore)
P.P.S. Follow me on twitter because I'm awesome and when I find out about free events, I try to let you guys know. (@StephBMore)
P.P.P.S. Live in Philly? You NEED to follow me because I have a good opportunity coming up to see Drake on Dec 18th and I'm offering free tickets to some of my followers. (You will actually get to be in the Pepsi suite with me!!! So...you might want to get on that. Not sure how many tickets I have extra but I will give away at least two).

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

5 Minute Blogs: Mama I want to write...

I received my first journal when I was 6 or 7 years old. It was a plastic book with a lock and in it, I'd write the
most ridiculous entries on who did what in school. I thought I was Harriet the Spy without the mystery. It was fun and while the entries never really spoke to who I was (apparently a gossip columnist at that age), it was an outlet. Years later, I had graduated into writing in 5 subject notebooks. The entries were filled with my day to day life and sometimes the countdown on the radio (I'd write little notes in between the songs). Then I had another notebook filled with random list, or random articles I'd write on just anything. I never really thought much of it, it was just something I did out of habit. When I was in 3rd grade I entered a writing contest for Reader's Digest children's edition. I won third place. I still have that ribbon to this day. Then one day my friends and I began an epic urban (re: hood) book where we'd each take turns writing a few pages. It was fun making up stories and for some reason, people loved my entries the most. I'd get asked questions all the time about who and why something happened. It made me feel good. I was around 14. However, in my mind I was still going to be a doctor. I don't know how this dream truly came about, but it was what it was. Writing was a hobby.

Fast forward years later, I was still writing random short stories for my friends. Sometimes I'd write a poem here and there (my ex found one and immediately apologized for the pain he caused me. He stated "I never knew you felt that way".) Again, I didn't take it serious. 

Sometime in the past 3 years or so I became jealous. I'd read other people's writings and swear that I could do the same thing. I had interesting stories to tell, I had a "way with words" that related to the people in it's own right, and dammit, I was just good at it. I could get a story published! It began to *gnaw at me. For some reason I felt being an author was my calling (maybe it is...). I couldn't shake my thoughts of writing, I couldn't shake my "hobby", and even though the words can't flow that well verbally, I know that my written words can move people. People told me they have been moved. I thought it was going to be easy. I was wrong.

Countless times I have tried (and failed) at writing a novel. I never realized the dedication it took to actually finish a book. I didn't know that you couldn't just start writing and hope to end up somewhere. I assumed a story (in novel form) would eventually come together. That never happened to me because I didn't have a plan. I would have ideas: "College Girl gets caught up in the drug life", "Black Sci Fi about the end of the world", "Cheaters!". But ideas mean nothing if you don't have a plan to get there. I realize this. I accept it. I understand now.

Now I have a plan. I recently came up with an idea for a story, just in time for NaNoWriMo. This time I knew how I wanted it to end. I quickly began an outline. Looking at the outline I realized, I can do this. I wrote the end first, because somehow for me it's much easier to get there when I know where I'm going. I registered and said I will finally finish a novel. (This is item #20 on my bucket list).  Today on the train I wrote 2000 words without hesitation. It just flowed (into an awesome sex scene...of course! Shout out to iCloud for making it so easy). I have all this time on the train and I'm not using it for my full potential. I have to DO BETTER. 

Even if it never gets published I just want to know that I can do this...that if I sit down and focus and work hard, I can write. If no one ever reads my words it's okay. But I have to get this out of me somehow. Maybe when I finish one work I will no longer feel this nagging need to get my words out. Maybe this will bring closure...or maybe it will be the start of something new. I just know it needs to be done. 

Mama...I just want to write right now.  (can you believe I'm tearing up at this thought...)

P.S. If you are doing NaNoWriMo, let me know! We can encourage or motivate each other...
P.P.S. I promise I'm not a punk but when it's something I want, I can't help but get emotional 
P.P.P.S. One time in 9th grade, I wrote a sex scene that got intercepted by a substitute teacher who said she was going to tell the principal  I don't know if she did or didn't, but I never got in trouble NOR did I get the story back. I often wonder what I wrote being that I was still a virgin back then. 

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Bucket List: #2 Get A Stamp On My Passport

Two years ago or so I made this blog about me getting my first passport: Upgrade Me! And I was so excited. I basically just decided to get a passport. I had no real reason to get one other than if the opportunity arose to go out of the country I wanted to be as ready as I could be. Besides, I feel like all adults should have a passport. But I won't judge you if you don't. 

Anyway a year later Saveur magazine chose me to go to Chile for a week. Again I was beyond excited and invited my PNC Pam to go. Months later she still hadn't gotten her passport because she didn't believe me. In her place I took Bubbles, who was tied as my first choice. I didn't care which one came with me, I just knew one of them would love this opportunity. This was the second item on my bucket list (remember when I said I was gonna make one then use my blog to document these things I am doing? YUP, I didn't forget). Back to the story, Saveur was paying for my airfare and the hotels. That's it though and I didn't realize that until a week before I went on the trip. Like I knew I had to pay for meals but I didn't realize how much traveling I'd do once I go to Chile and I am gonna tell you right now...Chile is NOT cheap. It's a two for one exchange rate, basically $2 in Chilean money is $1 USD. Just to put it in perspective, a $1.50 soda here in America cost me $4 USD in Chile. 

First off my last blog was about being on a plane for all my life...and let me tell you, it wasn't that bad. We flew there and back overnight so most of the time I slept on the plane (or tried to). The worst flight I had was coming back from San Pedro to Santiago (yes we flew in Chile also to San Pedro for a few days). It was so rocky and shaky. And somehow we ended up having seats in the back of the plane each flight we took (a total of 6 airplane rides in 8 days). Anyway I'll just do a quick overview of our time there:

  • Day 1 (Santiago): We arrived in the am. Stayed at Hotel Noi. Stumbled upon a food festival called Echinuco. Had some good food and then slept because we were super tired.
  • Day 2 (Santiago to Casablanca): Had to travel to the vineyard at Matetic vineyards. We took a bus which was interesting and super cheap. Shout out to the Wiki Travel site. No internet or cable working when we got there, and it's in the middle of nowhere so basically we were stuck doing nothing. However, our dinner  (which was included) was amazing. Free bottle of wine too.
  • Day 3 (Casablanca to Valpariso): Go up early. Had breakfast (they do NOT cook eggs all the way in Chile. I don't even mean they are soft but there is no reason scrambled eggs should still be runny).  Tour  and wine tasting then back to Valpariso.  We stayed at Hotel Casa Higueras. This is where I discovered the greatness of Pisco (a delicious brandy which became all I drank while there). More rest.
  • Day 4 (Valpariso): Sight seeing. We attempted to go to La Sebastiana (home of one of Bubble's fav poets) and all of the museums in the city were closed due to water problems on the hill. We did some shopping. Ate some food. Drank more pisco.
  • Day 5 (Back to Santiago to go to the airport): We flew into Calama. No disrespect but it smelled funny here. Plus the air was super thin. It took an hour and a half to get from the airport to San Pedro. We rested and ate dinner at the place we stayed (Hotel Kunza which was amazing).
  • Day 6 (San Pedro): We went on a tour at Valle De La Luna. AMAZING. Tiring because we had to walk up and up and the air got thinner and thinner. I was struggling. Granted I'm not in the best shape but simple things like walking two blocks made us tired. We also went to the city and purchased some items. Had some food. Went to a church and prayed. 
  • Day 7 (San Pedro,fly back to Santiago): I had a spa day. A dead sea body scrub. I had to get butt ass naked in front of a lady who looked like my crazy ass roommate. But it was nice. We went back to Santiago and by this time we were ready to go back to America. 
  • Day 8 (Home): We stayed in Santiago overnight then woke up early to eat, shop (Cuban cigars...oh my. 3 bottles of pisco to take home: YES PLEASE). And then we went to the airport and came home.
That's basically it in a nut shell. I had an amazing time. It was beautiful. I did get homesick because 8 days is a lot but I'm glad I went. I wasn't a big fan of the food there, so I resorted to drinking a lot and eating random things: soup, fries, just basics. The food there was expensive even in cheap places. Like a basic burger and fries ended up being $14 US and you don't realize it because it's $7000 pesos and its like oh that's not a lot. YES IT IS. It was nice coming home. I came and slept! LOL. I was so done that I took a cab  home from the airport. I swear I spent no less than $400 on transportation so let this be a lesson to everyone: When planning travel, always check out transportation options and costs. This was my first time out of the country and so while I did my due diligence, you can't always account for reality. 

See more pics on my instagram: Steph_Bmore
Follow me on twitter: @StephBMore
Are you going anywhere amazing? Let me know.
Also...I'm working on some other things on my list. One I'm hoping to finish in November. I'm so focused. P.s I'm sorry I didn't add a lot of pics but if you follow me you have already seen a lot. I just don't want to make this blog way longer than necessary. LOL. But trust there will be many more added on my instagram later!

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Fear Of Flying? Not Really....

In less than a month my best friend Joana and I will be on our way to Chile. This will be my first trip internationally. My first passport stamp!  I can remember getting my passport like it was yesterday…I randomly decided to apply but secretly I was hoping I’d meet a man who’d want to whisk me away on a whirlwind trip to Italy on a whim. I had to be ready. I mean, a girl can dream right? LOL…

Fast forward almost two years later and I’m finally going somewhere. And I’m nervous as hell about flying. Just to give you some background I was 25 years old the first time I flew anywhere and I can count on one hand the number of roundtrip flights I have taken in my life. The last time I flew (in Jan to Miami) was a bit nerve wrecking. On the return flight home, the plane hit some turbulence. Of course, the plane was rocking a bit and it felt like the plane descended a little. At the same time the plane descended, my stomach dropped. Immediately I am like “God PLEASE don’t let this plane crash. Please let this be over…” and a few minutes later, it was over. However, that experience stayed etched in my mind.

4 weeks from today, I will be boarding a plane for the first time since January. Admittingly I’m cool with the flight to Miami. It’s the flight from Miami to Santiago Chile that concerns me. It’s approximately 9 hours and I haven’t been on a flight longer than 5. Then there’s this whole added factor of a plane crash. I was talking to my PNC about flying and he mentioned the Concorde flights, which led to the Concorde Crash…which wasn’t a good idea.

Let me get this straight: I’m NOT AFRAID to fly. I will gladly get on the plane and go…it’s crashing that concerns me. It makes me nervous because if a plane crashes, you can’t really do anything about it. And yes I know statistics show that a person is more likely to be in a car crash but that’s just common sense right? We aren’t talking just about accidents; it’s dying in those accidents. A plane crashes and you’re most likely dead. (Keep in mind I watched ‘We Are Marshall’ on Saturday).  I am beyond excited to go but I can’t deny flying makes me anxious. It always has, its’ not just this trip.

So I’m trying to refocus my attention. I stay on Trip Advisor reading up on Chile, making notes of all the places I hope I can see, all of the wine I am going to drink, and trying to figure out what to pack (I think I need a bigger suitcase…7 days means at least 10 outfits).  It’s a bit overwhelming. But I’m happy. I’m most excited about Valapariso (so much culture!)  and Vina Matetic (the vineyard we are staying at is GORGEOUS see that pic?) I plan on flooding your TLs on twitter and instagram with amazing pictures. Make sure you follow me!

And if you have any suggestions on how to NOT be nervous on a flight, please let me know. It’d be greatly appreciated
Twitter: @StephBMore

Instagram: Steph_BMore

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

MOTIVATION: Working Out Is Not Really Working Out...

Do ya'll remember when I said I was gonna start working out more? It was in this post here: "Getting Motivate". I was about EVERYTHING. I even included a picture of my inspiration Massey (who, by the way, has become way to muscular for my taste. I prefer still getting fit Massey to I'm in competitions now Massey). I got the gym membership and then I was on my way!!

I don't know if I said this before but in March one of my friends commented on my weight gain AND touched me. Listen...I felt like a violated pregnant woman. You don't just touch someone's stomach or fat rolls without asking. The audacity! However, I let it go and realized that it's not only me who sees it but others, so I came up with a plan.

In April I actually hit the gym pretty hard. I mean 5 days a week hard. I was angry. I was hurt. I was misguided and a lot of things in my life were out of control. The gym (and my diet) I could control. Working out took my mind off of a lot of things and made me feel pretty good...until one day in June I came home from the gym (a Sunday, it was raining) to a missed call from my dad about my aunt, random stress, and just general malaise led to me a crying spell on my bed in stank sweaty gym clothes. I was pushing myself in various areas way too hard and in that day it all culminated and came out in the form of tears. I couldn't explain to anyone how I felt, so I just used my aunt as an excuse (which was part of the reason, my dad was hurt so I hurt) and took a shower where I cried more. I cut back on the gym (2 times a week plus one dance class) and everything was a bit better.

Then I was sick. I somehow developed a mild case of bronchitis and let me tell you, I was coughing day and night for weeks at a time. The only time I didn't cough was while I worked out OR when I was sucking on cough drops. It got to the point where I'd knock back a bag of cough drops a day. Even before I went to bed, I'd pop one in my mouth and pray I wouldn't choke on it in my sleep. I wasn't well.

I needed rest. So I rested.
And rested.
And rested.

And now here it is, mid August and I haven't been back to the gym since the end of June. Now this is ridiculous because I am paying $30 a month to the YMCA so I can go to the gym. I thought that actually paying for the gym would motivate me to go to the gym, but I was wrong. The money is being taken directly from my bank account so I don't "miss" the money. But when I think about it, I feel terrible. I could use that money for other things. But I WANT to go to the gym, I'm just not motivated.

And that's what it all boils down to...how do I get motivated to go the gym? Better yet, HOW DO YOU MOTIVATE YOURSELF TO GO? I might just cancel this membership. I decided to keep it until the end of September. If I don't use it by then, I probably won't do it again.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

"Lightskin is the right skin..." and other lies they tell you...

Recently I was having a conversation with a few people and I said something in regards to a "lightskin
struggle". I was joking but one individual in the group (a darker skinned Black American) laughed and said "Lightskin people struggle? Y'all don't have a struggle..." NOW. While I was joking in this particular conversation I wanted to let this person know that ALL Black Americans (or African Americans, whatever you choose) go through a struggle because they are not white. My light skin DOES NOT make me immune to racial slurs from whites. My light skin DOES make me a target in certain darker Blacks minds and, as a result, I am often times chided and picked on for being fair. As a child I grew up with the "white girl", "cornbread", "yellow hoe" insults. I have been called a "nigger" by whites. I have dealt with racism due to my complexion from both sides. I do NOT feel my pain is bigger than anyone else's but for anyone to discredit what I have gone through because I'm lighter is upsetting.

We do not choose the skin we are born in. My lightness has never defied my Blackness. Both of my parents are black. I am black. I don't claim anything else and to make fun of me because I'm physically not as black as the next person just shows your ignorance on the slave trade and why Black Americans come in a rainbow of brown hues. I will admit I have issues with my complexion. I always have, and I own that. The piece below I wrote Monday morning (even before someone called me a "have breed" *SIC* who "hated her own race" on twitter...mind you, the race I supposedly hate is the black race. When our convo was on reading, they made it about race. See how that happens...but I don't struggle being light...). I will not pretend to know how darker skinned blacks feel or what they go through, but my struggle is real. We all struggle. We are all in this together.

Complex Complexions…

Don’t let this light skin fool you
Through my veins runs the blood of a million slaves
The ancestors of those who contributed to my fairness are the ones who stole and enslaved the people that contributed to my blackness
My hair, my eyes, my nose, my lips, my smile, my demeanor are all compliments of the Africans brought to America over 300 years ago
And my lightness or whiteness is only a result of the rape of my grandfather’s grandmother’s mother, and her mother, and her sisters and their children…
This heart beats to the sound of Congo drums played in memory of those who didn't make it on the Middle Passage
My soul cries for the culture that was taken from us
And in my dreams I see the ancestors.
I pray for them.
My complexion is not a badge of honor that I wear but a constant reminder of the pain my people suffered.
I don’t take pride in being more acceptable to whites because my skin is fairer
I wear my hair natural and unkempt as a nod to those came before me and try to hold on to as much as their identity as I can.
No our struggles aren’t alike but I never thought I was better than you because my family was raped into lightness.
We all suffered. We all continue to suffer.
Our pain may not be similar but it’s real. And before I am judged for trying to be TOO black let me remind you.
I am black. Both of my parents are black. And their parents are black.
And this fair skin you see…it’s a result of a time when blacks were seen as nothing but property.

Don’t let this light skin fool you. I stand beside you in the struggle. 

EDIT 8/27/2014: I had to add the *SIC* because FYI...the ignorant person who tried to call me a "half breed" actually said "HAVE breed".

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

5 Minute Blogs: "The End of the World..."

 So I'm currently looking at this movie called "Looking for a Friend For the End of the World". I   randomly happened upon it while trying to figure out what I was going to eat for dinner. For those who haven't seen the film, it's a quite simple premise. The world is ending in three weeks and the main character, Dodge, is dumped by his wife. She just straight bounces (later on it's kinda discovered why but I wont' spoil this movie). Anyway everyone is trying to figure out what they are going to do...and Dodge is basically looking for a friend to spend his final days with. His wish is so simple.

As I'm watching the movie I'm wondering what would I do....where would I do...who'd I'd spend it with...

The concept of the world ending is so foreign to most but it's a real possibility. The universe is so vast and infinite that in a blink of an eye everything can change. Life is that way...nothing is guaranteed.

So while I'm sitting here listing things I'd do...

  • Visit my family
  • Tell that boy I'm in love with him (i'm such a hopeless romantic...)
  • Ride the biggest roller coaster
  • Visit Easter Island (it would have to be cheaper to go now since nothing matters...)
  • Jump out of an airplane  
  • Shave off all my hair just to see how I'd look 
  • Eat ALL of the food 
And as I list things I realize it's nothing out there like in the movie (having wild unprotected sex with everyone and anyone...) because that's just not me. I suddenly realize that nothing is stopping me from doing anything...my list is doable now while I'm alive.  I basically made a bucket list. LMAO. I mean granted, I'd probably loot and steal some things because hey...who wouldn't want to die in a fierce ass Gucci Dress and some Louboutin shoes. But the way I'd want to spend my last days are the ways I wish I'd live my life now...and its like "Why Wait?"

Why do we ever wait on anything? Why do we wait too late? Why don't we take control of this very moment and live out our dreams no matter how big or small and if we fail...who cares. We can move onto the next thing and be great.  Randomly I have moments when I wonder what if....the last time I did what I longed for I moved to NYC. And while it hasn't been perfect, it has been beyond worth it. 

I want to learn in this moment and to fulfill my dreams. 
It's crazy how such a simple comedic film sparked so much in me.

Anyway the movie:

And the song that always triggers something in me:

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Hardest Thing....

I tried to pinpoint the moment I first fell for you...
The moment I realized that you were the only one I wanted...
From this moment on until the next lifetime...
In this world and the next...
There is no one else.

I tried to deny my feelings for you...
I don't know what love is...
And I tried. And tried. But the feelings wouldn't go away,
And so I prayed. And prayed. But they remained the same.

It was always about you.

It wasn't so much the way you kissed me,
Moreso the way you looked at me the moment before.
It's not the way you made love to me,
More like the way you loved me.

And even if you never return these feelings I have for you
I can't go another moment without saying those three words to you
So I hope you take these words and cherish them because this is the hardest thing I've ever done...

...Steph B.More

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

POEM: "Devol" (and other random things...)

I'm slacking. I know. I know.
But check it...I've been writing short stories, poems, and chapters. And the things I call "Steph's Shorties..." so while I haven't been here, I've been doing it. Plus I'm on twitter...so there's always that. Anyway earlier today I learned Lil Wayne (*smh*) is going to entitle his new album "Devol" and it's full of love songs. I read that as Devil and then realized it was loved backwards...that reminded me of Eminem's song "Space Bound" and that line...

"And love is evol (evil)...spell it backwards I'll show you..." Then I wrote this. So below. My "love" poem entitled "Devol". I hope you like....


Once upon a time I fell in love with a man who had all the other ladies in the land in the palm of his hand...
But si, I thought I was different than those other ones and went out my way to show him that THIS is where he belonged
And while I could never fully get attention, the few moments shared were enough to make me believe that we could have forever...
I was wrong.
Because the low I have for him could never be enough
The time I spent didn't satisfy his soul
That's if he had one.
That's if I believe anyone has one now.
I could never figure out why he didn't care
...but he claimed he did but that didn't stop him fromt he actions that forced my tears, so if you care like you say you do then why am I crying and why do i pray to God every night to help me forget your face. And each time you leave I pray you come back. No I mean don't ever come back and let this be the end and when you see me don't speak because I could give a fuck less about your new place where you probably have that next bitch and fuck the pleasantries because there is nothin' pleasant about the way you disregarded me as if I'm not anything...
Excuse the rant.
But once I fell in love with a man and all that's left are my tears on his pillow.--Steph B.More

*incase you never heard the Eminem song, enjoy:

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Getting Motivated...

I'm terrible guys.
My plan to give up shopping for Lent was a bust almost two weeks after I started. I was actually doing quite good...but those emails never stopped and things I wanted for weeks went on sale. AND then it's this whole "only a few more in your size...". It began with a pair of jeans from American Eagle and ended with a "The Police" sweatshirt from Urban Outfitters.

Now I actually went through my clothes recently and eliminated things I never wear, and never will. That amounted to one md trash bag full of clothing. I didn't even look at shoes because I believe I can sell those on Ebay...(Anyone want a pair of nude Enzo pumps? size 7? Never worn...) but yo...it's ridiculous.

Even more ridiculous is the weight I'm gaining. I'm around 125 now. At my highest after eating, on a bad day I'm 129. I know some of you are saying..."That's NOT a lot" and honestly it's not BUT it's how I carry it. Without working out, the extra weight makes me look a bit chubby. I got a round belly and thick legs. I don't look bad but I know I can be this weight and look healthy. The thing about weight is I can say "Oh this is not that bad..." and months go by and I keep picking up 2 or 3 lbs until it's out of control. I can't let that happen.

I recognize two issues I have: 1. diet and 2. exercise. We all know my diet sucks. It really needs to change and I want it to change. I really need to incorporate more fruits and veggies, less fried food. And exercise? I just don't. I did purchase a YMCA membership from Living Social and the plan is to activate it tmrw (or sometime this week). Tomorrow Kevin Powell starts his 30 day health and fitness challenge.  It basically boils down to 30 minutes of exercise a day for the month of April. I have to start somewhere. I also have been looking at pictures and I feel in love with Massey (Mankofit). I mean she is the perfect mix of healthy, fit, and curvy to me. I don't want to be all brolic like some chicks out here. I'm a small woman...I like my curves, I just want to define somethings. I mean, LOOK at her (she's only been working out a year!!!):

*drools* she is SO on my vision wall.

So yeah in line with Getting Happy is "Getting Healthy". I have began working on my internal health (seeing ALL the doctors, using up ALL the health insurance) and now I need to start working on the outside. I plan to get a bike soon, and I practice my yoga every day. (for balance and focus).

My problem is staying motivated. If any of you have tips on how to stay motivated and cool ways to incorporate working out during the day, I'd love to hear it! If you are in BK and want to join Kevin Powell's challenge (yes there will be in person meet ups!), then click the link above and join the FB page!! It will be awesome.

P.S. Follow me on twitter: http://twitter.com/StephBMore

Sunday, February 10, 2013

I Give Up!!!! (This is a post about Lent...)

Every time I say I will blog more I get caught up in real life. I find that when nothing is going on in my life, I want to blog more but those are the times I have nothing to blog about. Irony...

Last month I celebrated my 33rd birthday. This is the last time I will mention my age on the interwebs! For my birthday I went to Miami and I have to say I had a blast. Shout out to my girls for making it the best birthday I have ever had. Great food, great weather, great friends, and great parties. And as the great Meek Mill said in his song "Amen", we did Liv on Sunday like a church. (*Note: If you want to see more Miami pics, follow me on Instagram: Steph_Bmore)

Which brings me to now...I have a spending problem. Despite the fact that my flight and hotel room were paid by my loved ones, my ass was spending money like I was a Rockefeller. One good thing about Miami is the food is cheaper than NYC, except pizza. Down the street I can get a good slice for $1 or $2. A slice of cheese late one night in Miami ran me over $3 and it was like not even better than 7-11 $1 slices.

I got back from Miami and started balling. Buying dresses, shorts (why? it's COLD), shoes, books, craisins, hair stuff, whipped products (naturalistas check them here: http://www.whipped.bigcartel.com/), and more...right now I have a pair of camo jeans in my cart on Urban Outfitters waiting for me to purchase when I get my check for tutoring.

I love nice things that's my fucking problem. And yeah I love to shop, I got a shopping problem.

Growing up without a lot will have this affect on you. Now that I can afford it, I want it all. Half the things I buy I don't even need and I rarely wear or even use. I won't even get into the shake weight situation (I used it three times maybe...). These purses, these shoes, all these hair products...I look around my place and I'm like "why"

So for Lent, I'm giving up shopping. Like a no spend challenge except I don't have any passes. Starting Wednesday I can't buy anything that's NOT a necessity. All those emails from Gap, Amazon, UO, Coach...I have to delete them when they pop up, because I need to control my spending. Miami made me realize I really want to travel more and I can't do that if I keep using my disposable cash for things I don't need. Now I did say I can put things in my cart and at the end of Lent if they are still available and I still want them, I might treat myself to a $100 shopping spree.

Pray for the kid....

P.S. I am giving up two more things for Lent...but I won't mention them here BUT if I can do it, I will update you.

P.P.S. Are you giving up anything? If so, what?