Time is flying. As I get older, I realize that all that time I was wishing I was older when I was younger was a waste. Sometimes I sit back and think about those summers off from school, laying in my room watching Jerry Springer (when it was still good) and Ricki Lake, eating Ramen, and drinking sweet ass orange kool aid....I miss that sometimes. Pure happiness.
Life was easier. More carefree. I didn't have bills.
But alas...we get older. And older. And older. But with age comes wisdom. In about 3 weeks I will be 33 (Master Teacher #s). When I was 15, I could never imagine being 33. But that's neither here nor there. 2012 is the reason for this blog.
First off, the world didn't end.
Secondly, I didn't die.
That's enough to make anyone shout hallelujah to the most high. And I am, and I do. All the time. Not that I expected either to happen.
Last year this time I didn't think I'd be in NY another year. At the time, I was part time employed, living in a small not that great room in Crown Heights, and struggling to figure out my purpose. I was stuck in a rut, I'll admit. One of my close friends tried to talk to me about things, and tried to be very supportive but at the same time he had his own issues and two people going through somewhat hard times at the same time can hardly fully support each other as necessary. But we tried and that came to a crash a few months into 2012.
However, sometimes everything must fall apart in order for things to get better.
Weeks after the lost of that friendship, I found myself really trying to focus on what needed to be done in order to make my life better. I couldn't keep sitting around, waiting on God, or man, or anyone...I had to make it happen for myself. So I focused and started doing what I thought would make me happy.
And life got better.
I won't say it was simple to go from hating where you are, and feeling hopeless to being very happy but the first step was deciding that I no longer wanted to be unhappy. I fixed little things. I didn't like my clothes? Fine buy new ones. I didn't like my place? Fine, find a new one. Hated my job? Okay, let's find a better one. (I am being superficial with my issues BUT you get my drift...)
I did all this. And then as I rejoiced in my new found joy, my friend and I reconciled and for the first time in many months I cried because I was happy.
So essentially that's what this post is about...Getting to Happy.
Nothing or no one can make you happy but yourself. The joy you are constantly seeking is inside you...it's up to you to decide that "Yes I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to smile." Happiness is a CHOICE. Choose to be happy. Choose to have joy. Choose to be the best you that you can constantly be. Choose love...love of yourself first and foremost.
I have no resolutions for 2012. I just want to continue on the path I am and I pray and hope that 2013 continues to bring more joy and more happiness into my life.
P.S. For the first time in YEARS I am celebrating my birthday for real...with my friends in Miami. I'm beyond excited. Sunshine, the beach, drinks, my loves...It just feels so good.