Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Finding Your Passion...
"I don't want to get by...I want to get over." (c) James Evans "Good Times"
There are times when I sit quietly and reflect on my life. This is a modified version of meditation I do...which helps to calm me when everything in my life is hectic. Everything is always hectic though. Can I disengage? Not from life but from the chaos? I try.
There are times when I am very unsatisfied. I thought I was sad, maybe even depressed but that's not true. I just want more, and I want to be happy, and I don't want to be bothered by the insignificant things in life. But the world is not perfect, and there will always be something but a girl can dream right? So I start making changes here and there...starting with self and trying to let go of things that aren't beneficial. I read a great book by Don Miguel Ruiz called "The Five Agreements" and I began to try to follow these things. And then I participated in the 31 Meditation Challenge. And it helped but I was still so-so.
More changes...new place, new job. I was seemingly getting over a little heart break (not an intimate break up but a lost of a friend) and saving up money to do more things I enjoy. Am I getting to happy yet?
I realized the issue.
I don't have a passion.
I look at my friends and I am envious. Some of them know what they want and they will work their ass off, damn near die for it. Nothing matters outside of that passion, they are so committed. I look at my job and while I love it, I kind of fell into it. And while it means something to me, it's not a passion. Yes I want to be a researcher...but that's just the natural progression of things.
I love writing, but I'm not dedicated to it. I have a complex. I hate to be criticized. That will not work in fields such as writing where the public judges and rates you. I don't know how others do it. I want to be perfect. It kills me now when certain people read my work and point out errors, make suggestions, or any other critiques. I use to put so much into writing but giving my all to be told it's not good enough took away my motivation. I will tell you a little confession...when I write my short stories or poems and people hit me up and give me praise, I cry. That's how much THAT means to me. Sharing my words is hard. Harder than you guys will ever know. I digress...
I don't know what this blog is about now...
All I ever knew was that I wanted to be great.
Let me be great.
...Anyway, do you have a passion? Are you following it? How did you find it? I want to know more...perhaps hearing from others will motivate me to figure out what can give my life MORE meaning. (*I saw more because it's not meaningless...I just want it to be meaningful)