Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Finding Your Passion...

The other day on Facebook I posed the question "Are You Doing What You Love?" and I patiently waited for responses. I was, and still am, genuinely curious on how many people pursue their passions. Do people even know what their passion is? Or are we just going through like getting by? That's an upsetting thought...

"I don't want to get by...I want to get over." (c) James Evans "Good Times"

There are times when I sit quietly and reflect on my life. This is a modified version of meditation I do...which helps to calm me when everything in my life is hectic. Everything is always hectic though. Can I disengage? Not from life but from the chaos? I try.

 There are times when I am very unsatisfied. I thought I was sad, maybe even depressed but that's not true. I just want more, and I want to be happy, and I don't want to be bothered by the insignificant things in life. But the world is not perfect, and there will always be something but a girl can dream right? So I start making changes here and there...starting with self and trying to let go of things that aren't beneficial. I read a great book by Don Miguel Ruiz called "The Five Agreements" and I began to try to follow these things. And then I participated in the 31 Meditation Challenge. And it helped but I was still so-so.

More changes...new place, new job. I was seemingly getting over a little heart break (not an intimate break up but a lost of a friend) and saving up money to do more things I enjoy. Am I getting to happy yet?

I realized the issue.

I don't have a passion.

I look at my friends and I am envious. Some of them know what they want and they will work their ass off, damn near die for it. Nothing matters outside of that passion, they are so committed. I look at my job and while I love it, I kind of fell into it. And while it means something to me, it's not a passion. Yes I want to be a researcher...but that's just the natural progression of things.

I love writing, but I'm not dedicated to it. I have a complex. I hate to be criticized. That will not work in fields such as writing where the public judges and rates you. I don't know how others do it. I want to be perfect. It kills me now when certain people read my work and point out errors, make suggestions, or any other critiques. I use to put so much into writing but giving my all to be told it's not good enough took away my motivation. I will tell you a little confession...when I write my short stories or poems and people hit me up and give me praise, I cry. That's how much THAT means to me. Sharing my words is hard. Harder than you guys will ever know. I digress...

I don't know what this blog is about now...

All I ever knew was that I wanted to be great.

Let me be great.

...Anyway, do you have a passion? Are you following it? How did you find it? I want to know more...perhaps hearing from others will motivate me to figure out what can give my life MORE meaning. (*I saw more because it's not meaningless...I just want it to be meaningful)

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