Wednesday, October 17, 2012
"I don't want to get by...I want to get over." (c) James Evans "Good Times"
There are times when I sit quietly and reflect on my life. This is a modified version of meditation I do...which helps to calm me when everything in my life is hectic. Everything is always hectic though. Can I disengage? Not from life but from the chaos? I try.
There are times when I am very unsatisfied. I thought I was sad, maybe even depressed but that's not true. I just want more, and I want to be happy, and I don't want to be bothered by the insignificant things in life. But the world is not perfect, and there will always be something but a girl can dream right? So I start making changes here and there...starting with self and trying to let go of things that aren't beneficial. I read a great book by Don Miguel Ruiz called "The Five Agreements" and I began to try to follow these things. And then I participated in the 31 Meditation Challenge. And it helped but I was still so-so.
More changes...new place, new job. I was seemingly getting over a little heart break (not an intimate break up but a lost of a friend) and saving up money to do more things I enjoy. Am I getting to happy yet?
I realized the issue.
I don't have a passion.
I look at my friends and I am envious. Some of them know what they want and they will work their ass off, damn near die for it. Nothing matters outside of that passion, they are so committed. I look at my job and while I love it, I kind of fell into it. And while it means something to me, it's not a passion. Yes I want to be a researcher...but that's just the natural progression of things.
I love writing, but I'm not dedicated to it. I have a complex. I hate to be criticized. That will not work in fields such as writing where the public judges and rates you. I don't know how others do it. I want to be perfect. It kills me now when certain people read my work and point out errors, make suggestions, or any other critiques. I use to put so much into writing but giving my all to be told it's not good enough took away my motivation. I will tell you a little confession...when I write my short stories or poems and people hit me up and give me praise, I cry. That's how much THAT means to me. Sharing my words is hard. Harder than you guys will ever know. I digress...
I don't know what this blog is about now...
All I ever knew was that I wanted to be great.
Let me be great.
...Anyway, do you have a passion? Are you following it? How did you find it? I want to know more...perhaps hearing from others will motivate me to figure out what can give my life MORE meaning. (*I saw more because it's not meaningless...I just want it to be meaningful)
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Saturday, October 6, 2012
For the past few months the dance party has been on "hold". The first month, I assumed it was because the month before the crowd was overwhelming. The part was held outside and people were dancing all over the place, on cars (that they didn't own), and drinking. There wasn't any violence, or fighting...but it was crowded despite being held in the museum's adjacent parking lot. The museum has no real way of tracking how many people come in and out of the facility, and as a result, there are way too many people in the museum. To the point where it's no longer enjoyable.
I'll admit, I love First Saturdays and when I get the emails I first check out the theme for the month and then the interactive exhibits going on. I am not so much pressed to see the "featured exhibit" that will be there all month or even longer, I don't enjoy the exhibits on First Saturdays because as I stated above, it's way too crowded. However, I do like that they offer hands on art, movies, and speaking engagements on Saturdays too. And yes I participate in those...when I can get tickets. Let's be honest, its thousands of people going on Saturdays and the "hear (artist) speak" program has 25 tickets, which they release at 430. Usually at 430, I'm tutoring. I don't get the opportunity to enjoy the other options a lot of the times and I'm okay with that. So a majority of the time when I go, it's to hear the music, see the performers, and enjoy the dance party. Yes this is MY driving force but that's not to discourage others.
I tell many people that First Saturdays is a great "free" to "cheap" date especially for those who have never been to the museum. There you have an opportunity to see the art and exhibits, to see other things the museum offers, and to enjoy a glass of Sangria (that the museum actually sells!!!) while dancing to the featured DJ and music of the month. I always give props to First Saturdays. My opinion on why I won't go on FIRST SATURDAY anymore is mine alone...I'd rather pay the $10 and enjoy the quietness while seeing the same exhibits than have to deal with the overcrowding and small children running amok on Saturday night.
That said...I do understand why the BK Museum decided to put the dance party on "hiatus." It has become the driving force for many (some say as much as 20K people attend) to attend. It's a great hang out for teenagers who can't go to clubs. It's a safe environment. I haven't seen any fights or shootings and this is in BROOKLYN! lol. I kid.
It's sad but I do understand. This won't stop me from attending the museum. I actually have tickets for a documentary screening later this month, but as for First Saturdays? It's up in the air. Previously it was a no brainer. We did it every month since I moved here in Oct 2010. Now I will only go if there is something I can ONLY see on Saturday (book club, Q&A) and that I can get tickets to attend.
And that's MY position.
and i'm only blogging this because I felt like I explained this 20 times...and really I don't care what others think but people tend to form an opinion about you based on one line...so next person who complains I'll reference them here. Because despite the fact I said this to everyone I spoke to about the closing, they won't include all of this...why would they? I just want my ENTIRE position on this to be available to those who think that we don't like art.