Sunday, September 30, 2012

The Jay Z Experience

Let me go head and talk about this Jay Z show at the Barclays.
*sigh*

First off, I have never seen Jay Z perform. Ever. I'll have to admit, I'm a moderate of Jay Z. I have never been inclined to see him in concert before BUT now I live in Brooklyn...it was at the Barclays...he's the biggest hip hop star...and it was in Brooklyn. One of my friends from SC amped me up to go so I was like YEAH LET'S GO and my happy ass spent $300 for two 100 level seats because all of the tickets sold out on Ticketmaster with the quickness. BUT I had other friends who bought tickets (albeit they all purchased singles randomly spread out in the stadium and some bought tickets for Friday instead of Sat)...game plan: let's flip the single tickets (which were also better seats) and use my tickets that are together. Sounds like a great plan? Yeah no it didn't work that way...the person who was suppose to sell theirs and sit with me decided to keep theirs and I ended up selling my extra 100 level price for less than half I paid for it. So basically I got fucked over for these tickets. Because I wouldn't have bought TWO tickets had I known that people preferred to keep the ones they had. I was suppose to get the money back for the better ticket But y'all go head and cook. Thanks for ducking me this weekend too about this dumb shit.

Anyway...let's talk about the show. The Saturday show.

The ticket said 8 pm. In MY mind, that means the show starts at 8 or shortly there after. No that just meant doors open at 8, but I'm not mad. We chilling, mingling, eating delicious ass cupcakes, contemplating buying shirts, all that...Get to my seat and I'm not mad at all. Actually the 100 level joints weren't bad and no one was sitting behind us.

The show didn't start until 930. And he comes out to "Where I'm From" (see link below). Then he goes into "Brooklyn Go Hard" and everyone and their momma was amped. Of course Jay then goes into a selection of his hits including "Hard Knock Life", "Cant' Knock the Hustle", "On to the next one", "Run This Town," "Big Pimping" (to name a few). I actually appreciated that at the end of Big Pimping he did Pimp C's verse (RIP). *now let's pause for the cause* I am thinking this is Jay Z, this is Brooklyn, and this is the opening concert of the Barclays. He gonna bring it.

I was wrong.

Nigga bought out Memphis Bleek and that's it. Okay okay...I know some people are saying "He said he wasn't bring out anyone..." Yeah that was said like this week after I paid all my money for this ticket. Yo. The ONLY other person I paid this much for was Prince. But he brings out Bleek and they didn't even do "Is that your bitch?" What kind of lives are we living.

Two encores.
The second encore was just him performing "Encore" in his white BK Nets Jersey (#4, Carter).

It ended at around 1115.

Basically the show was an hour and 15 minutes. $300 yo. 1 hr, 15 min. No guest but Bleek (no disrespect to Bleek but yo...)

Good show but not hardly worth my money. Not worth $100. $50 at the most. I wasn't impressed. I could have done so much more with that money but you know...no use in crying over spilled milk. However, if you are going to later shows, I advise you to be careful how you spend your money.


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Jealousy: It's Not Cute


"I'm insecure...but I can't  help it." (c) Erykah Badu

Jealously man. I think we all feel this way sometimes. I know I do.
When I was younger, I couldn't explain or understand why I felt a
certain way towards people. Then as I got older, it got worse. At
first it was the whole "why are you talking to that other girl? why
are y'all friends with her?"...then it became me issuing mandates. "I
better NOT see you talking to her again....NO, y'all can't be friends
with her AND me. Pick one...Y'all are MY friend, not *whoever*!!! The
hell?".

How ridiculous am I?
Sometimes I look back on my reactions to people and situations, and I
get embarassed. Seriously embarassed. To the point where I wish I
could go back in time and change my behavior. But if I were to do
that, I'd never know what I know now; and for that, I'm thankful. Let
me explain.

Jealously is often defined as the is an emotion and typically refers
to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety
over an anticipated loss of something that the person values. It can
also refer to feelings of inadequacy over not being good enough and
can lead to disliking someone because they possess something you don't
have whether it's physical, mental, or spiritual. I often look back on
my life and try to determine why I was jealous.

A majority of the time it relates back to a man. Me wanting that man
to myself and not wanting to share him with anyone else. And if he is
dealing with  someone else, or if he has female friends, I am suddenly
overwhelmed by jealousy. The thoughts range from is she better than
me, is she cuter than me, nicer than me...what is it about her that
makes it so he can't (or won't) just be mine? Or why is he paying her
so much attention and then I feel like I'm begging him to be with me?

WHAT IS IT?

When I was younger my father told me that when he had me I was so
perfect that he didn't want to share the love he had for me with
anyone else, and that's why I'm his only child. How perfect is that? I
was so in love with him at that point. I wonder if that is a factor. I
also did this with my friends. If you were my friend and I disliked
someone, we all had to dislike that person because that's what friends
DO.

When I did the meditation challenge, one of the things that I
pinpointed that was ruining my life was my jealousy. There was this
epic internal struggle. On the one hand, I believe jealousy is a
natural emotion. But on the other hand, I could see how it was ruining
my friendships. One good friend stopped talking to me for a few months
out of my jealousy and I couldn't understand why. I knew it was
because of my actions but to me it wasn't a "big deal" and he should
have gotten over it. But during that time I reflected on several
things in my life. My actions being one of them.

I began to study the people around me and I didn't like what I saw.
The jealously I saw from people I knew (friends, enemies, or
acquaintances) upset and shocked me. Is that how I look when I'm
acting out? Jealousy isn't cute. Ever in life. Then I was on the
recieving end of someone's jealousy and I hated it. It made me not
want to talk to that person. I didn't want to be bothered at all.
Friends don't make their friends feel like that. I shouldn't feel like
I have to walk on egg shells or cater to someone because I am unsure
of their reaction. It pushed me away. One day they called and I pushed
ignore. In that moment I had an epiphany. If this is how I feel about
this situation, then I can only imagine how my friends feel about me
when I act out. I was suddenly ashamed and embarassed. I wanted to
apologize to everyone. I still do. I didn't realize that I was pushing
my friends away with my bad attitude and outlandish reactions. Who
wants to be around the girl who is always complaining and bitching?
Who wants to be around ME when instead of being appreciative for what
I have, I complain about what I don't have? I'm trying to overcome my
negative ways.

I wish I could apologize to everyone.
I wish I could have said how I really felt about situations instead of
getting mad and angry.
I wish I could give you this feeling...
*jokes* lol.

I won't lie and say I will never be jealous again. That's not true but
now I can recognize and check myself before I say or do anything
against those I love and care about. I know to take a moment and check
myself. Even if I have to walk away, it's better than showing my ass
any day and making others uncomfortable. I don't want anyone
questioning my friendship, my loyalty, or my love for them. Friends
dont' do that.

I promise all my friends I will DO BETTER.

It's the movement.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Update: Voting and Other Random Things

I feel bad y'all. Real bad. I haven't blogged since the meditation challenge. But life moves so fast, and I have been so busy! Things change from day to day quickly. But life is always amazing. So I give thanks for everything.

 The two biggest things that have happened are me moving into a new (much doper) place! And me getting a new job (it took over a month to get this job!). The funny thing is I got fired (laid off) from my old job this past Friday and I started my new job today. I was actually hoping that would happen because I couldn't' give the proper two weeks and this way they are actually paying me three checks (instead of two) which means I'm about to get that new MAC Pro with retinal display in October (waiting on that 13 inch joint to drop...).

Anyway...real quick...I want to talk about voting. If you have followed me for a while you might remember my infamous "F!ck the Vote" post. That was two years ago and I was headstrong, a rebel, a conspiracy theorist, and just all around on that "Fuck the government." I have to be honest: I feel the same way. But recently I realized this ain't just about me and how I feel. It's bigger than me. While on Facebook I saw some posts from the youth I mentored this past spring and several of them echoed my sentiments about voting and how worthless it was. The conspiracy side of me felt proud that my kids weren't buying into this illusion of democracy. But then my rational (lol...yes I said rational) side said "This is sad. I don't want my kids to feel hopeless about the world and their situation. I don't want them thinking voting is completely worthless. I don't want them to TRY to make a difference at least." And I realized...I can't say anything to them about voting when I don't vote myself and I said the exact same things they said.

I meditated.
I contemplated.
I had an epiphany.

 And that was: this is bigger than me. I recently was in a meeting where we discussed healthcare. This is my passion. This is what I went to school for and what I want my PhD in, so it was a great talk. During this discussion, Obama and Romney's plans were discussed and I realized how important the healthcare issue is in this upcoming election. This isn't about me. I can't be an advocate for public health and not vote. How ridiculous is that? How crazy was I being?

 Also, I have to set a good example for the kids I mentor. I pride myself on being positive and uplifting to them at all times. I haven't been. I want them to know that they can make a difference. I want them to at least TRY to make a difference. Despite my opinions on voting, it's just that: an OPINION. Not fact. To not even TRY to make a difference goes against everything I stand for and that's not right. We have to try.

I still believe in revolution. I still think it's necessary. I also believe in setting an example. So I'll vote and still keep working in my community to improve our situation and lives.

*excuse my grammar. I know I used a lot of ebonics but it is what it is. For now.