Thursday, April 7, 2011
True Life: What does Taco Bell and sex have in common?
When I was a sophomore in college, I was dating this guy named Marco*. Marco was fine as hell with long pretty curly hair that I use to braid once a week. Well one summer day he comes over to my house in Ellicott City MD to get his hair hooked up. Now at my old house I had the whole basement to myself. It had sliding glass doors so people would come and go as they choose in my room. It was a dream for a sneaky teenager. Anyway somehow I get the idea that taking naked pictures of Marco on my couch would be awesome. I take the pictures, get them developed and hide them in my bathroom drawer along with some other random pictures, condoms, etc. No one uses my room so I think I'm good.
My stepdad uses my bathroom one day and decides to look for some reading material. What does he find? The pictures. He tells my mom and I get in trouble for taking pictures of some "naked nigga sitting on our furniture". The situation, while hilarious now, was embarrassing then. I warn Marco about the situation and he claims he will never come chill with me and my parents again.
Two weeks later he's at my house getting his hair braided. But now we are in the living room. My stepdad comes downstairs and states he's going to Taco Bell, would we like anything.
Me: "ooh yeah! Get me 2 taco surpremes and a Pepsi"
Stepdad: "Cool. What kind of tacos...oh let me guess. YOU LIKE EM HARD!!!!"
And proceeds to bust out laughing. My mom spits her drink everywhere. Marco covers his face and my mouth drops. They laugh their happy asses out the door. I finish Marco's hair and he runs home stating he can never come by again.
From that point on...he only visited me in my dorm room.
Now anytime when someone wants hard tacos, I think of my stepdad (who was 34 at the time).
This can't be life.
*names changed to protect the innocent or something