Monday, December 6, 2010

Love Lockdown: The Celibacy Blog

I am so tired of sex. I am so over it, I can't even find the words to express my disdain for casual encounters. This is not to say I'm having all types of wild sex every day of my life. I am not. Matter of fact, I haven't had sex in approximately 6 weeks...maybe even longer but I am not inclined to break out my calendar and figure out the exact day and time my last physical penetrative encounter occurred. I just know it was in October.

Anyway...let me stop sounding like a prude. Sex is actually quite awesome with the right person. I am a choosy lover...I don't have random encounters of the third kind. I sleep with people I actually like and want a relationship with...that sounds odd huh? Yeah I am different. Despite my musings on here, twitter, and random other social networking sites, I am not some insatiable woman who can not be pleased.

Sex for me is the next level of a relationship; it adds to our understanding of each other and it's almost spiritual in a way. Not some "oh I see God"  type of way but in a "man and woman were created for each other" type of way (with all due respect to gays and lesbians, but being that I am straight, I'll write a straight blog). Nothing pleases me more than physically building with a man who I already enjoy on a platonic, non physical level. Casual sex means nothing to me and most of the time I am left with regret. I find myself "I don't even like this guy like this, so why bother?"

Yes why bother? These past two weeks some males have been attempting to get my attention. I have been very standoffish and unresponsive. I almost cried a few weeks ago when a good friend spent the night (to make sure I was okay) and decided at 2 am that we should have sex. I said no but he kept forcing the issue, pulling on my clothes, and it seemed like a date rape situation was about to go down. He finally got the point and left. Another male (or two) have been sending me texts and BBM's spouting how they would like to be invited over for some wild good times in my small ass room on my air mattress. No thank you.

The fact that these men are so focused on sex with me is a turn off. I am not saying this to brag. I am saying this because obviously men are confused about women. FACT: Women can get sex anytime they want to.  I can sleep with any man I want if I put my mind to it. It's not hard (for me at least...I don't know about you other women...). So the fact that sex is what you are offering me like it's a prize makes you really seem somewhat desperate. The prize is not me having sex with you. It's you having sex with me. I love hard. Why should just any old man get that?

With that said, I'm over it. My love is on lockdown. The next person I have sex with should be my next husband. I'm tired of wasting my loving on fleeting romances and undeserving men. You want gonna have to put in work. I won't lie tho...there is someone who has my attention. And to them I'll say this...


  1. I wish you luck my friend..its about to get cold(er). but it sounds like you've though this out

  2. OMG Steph I love ur blogs, but this 1 hit so close to home bc I just tweeted the same concept a few weeks ago about being celibate for 5 years (then i lowered it to 2) lol ! But i so feel u... I even changed my # & refuse to give it out to any man.. why bother me if you have no intentions on being serious or have a committed relationship...its clearly a waste of my time & text, tweeting or emailing me asking me when can you come over or asking me to come over is such a turn off when I know nothing will come of it.. I have gotten emails asking me what is wrong with my phone & I even had some1 tell me they didn't like me any more bc i changed my # & won't give it to them... Sheesh.. I support u in your decision! We can be an inspiration to each other to stick to our guns with this decision!

  3. you be putting in work on an air mattress?

  4. damn, this is the type of respect I like to hear in females! (or just people in general) . I am on the same boat as you girl. It hasn't been since March for me (and I only mean celibate in the case of sex, not self pleasure cause it's only been a few hours for that tmi) and though I do have some offers (girls are getting bold these days! ) I had to turn them down. Simply because I just don't wanna marry them or be with them in any way like that.
    Sex is an important role of a SERIOUS's the next level. And I've used the same exact phrase as you: it's a spiritual experience. It's two souls connecting at its most intimate of moments.And not everyone should be privileged to get a glimpse of the soul, in my opinion.
    And by the way...Bootsy Collins is the best!! "I'm hooked on you chocolate star I got the munchies for your love..." you can't go wrong with him.
    -Sean sg1123

  5. Good Luck to you.
    I wish you the best in your journey


  6. Hey good luck with that. I had it on Lockdown for about 6 months and when "weakness" came to town it went out the window, happily.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  7. I'm not mad at that at all! I always respect and admire individuals who abstain for mentally and emotionally positive reasons. Besides, in this day and age, that's so far from being a bad idea, ya' know?

    Anyways, I hope you keep us posted. I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope all manners of men (good ones, too...not chumps) come out of the woodwork trying to give you the business and trying your resolve. It'd make for great blogging... ;-)

  8. I LOVE IT!!!!! How wonderful to decide what you truly want and stick to your guns!! Sex is beautiful with someone who you truly care about and they care about you...this post truly makes me smile with delight it's inspiring and it's time for sisters to do just that. Our bodies are so precious and shouldn't just be given away, there is no greater gift then YOU and far too often we just hand ourselves over and in the end it means nothing! Congratulations and hang in there :)

  9. STEF!!!! I am soo happy for you! I don't know if you know, but I wrote about this on my blog a month or so ago. I am a virgin! I am 33 and I believe it is the BEST decision I have made my entire life!! As women we forget how much power we have. If I would have given into the men that I have dealt with in the past I would be an emotional wreck now! People ask why I am so sweet, always happy and kind it's because I don't have all these different men in and out of my life! The bible speaks of guarding our hearts. That is the smartest thing we can do! Your body is a temple sis, guard it with your heart.

  10. I don't blame you, girl! I'm quite impressed and proud of you for being so strong and clear-headed about this, because this is sex we are talking about here! And while many of us just don't make smart choices about sex because of our emotions, you clearly got your mind right.

    Funny you mentioned having no more sex, because I've been strategizing a way to get more sex in my life. Smh!

  11. Do yo' thang girl!!! Hol' it down yes!
    I'm bi, so I gets mine lol. But men have been off my radar for the past while ..with them being so mundane and all. Their raps all sound the same pretty much. So lame. So predictable. Even the ones who claim to be friends are try'na get all up in that good, good. Nay I say! I'ma stick to my ladies til "Mr Right" comes along and more importantly, proves himself.
    Sincerely, A Girl

  12. celibacy is how we can perrmenantly take control of have mad the right choice...even with your husband sensual relationships are unnatural...hope you are able to stick with it

  13. I've been celibate for 2.5 years, before that I had sex with whomever, wherever, whenever and thought that I was so in control of my sexual life and so liberated because I could do as I chose.
    I have NEVER felt so okay with myself as I do now. I know it has a lot more to do with many other changes I've made in life but sex and men and women always dulled some pain that I didn't deal with head on!
    Good luck!

  14. I just discovered your blog last night for some support, I've been celibate for about 6 months now... and those its difficult some days I'am happy about my decision to be in control of that. I've realized sex is a much "bigger deal" than I used to make it. I've realized how precious my body is and how important it is that I guard it til someone that wants to be committed, respects me and cares about me comes along...or til I'm married (not sure yet)

    All the best on your journey :)

  15. Revenge heals all wounds some scientists say human beings are genetically wired for it. Dont feel guilty about the pain you are about to bestow on the one who hurt you, they deserve it. Take your time, contemplate the punishment to fit the crime and plot your moves. You will be healed of the silent fury that runs through your veins. Your sleepless nights and mental scars will fade.

  16. Revenge heals all wounds some scientists say human beings are genetically wired for it. Dont feel guilty about the pain you are about to bestow on the one who hurt you, they deserve it. Take your time, contemplate the punishment to fit the crime and plot your moves. You will be healed of the silent fury that runs through your veins. Your sleepless nights and mental scars will fade.

  17. I just want to say I completely feel you on this one. After being in a long term relationship and putting up with too much crap. I decided to stay celibate too. It is almost a year for me, but congrats on that decision :)