Friday, December 31, 2010

We Need A Resolution...

I can't believe 2010 is over. Where does the time go?
It seems like it was just 2008...and now it's about to be 2011. God save us.
Anyway...you know what that means...it's time for Resolutions.

For the past week, all of the social sites I frequent are being run over with "My 2011 Resolution", everyone is talking about what they are going to do and change for the new year. And I am so over it.

Earlier this week I was contemplating my own resolutions and I found myself listing the same things I have listed for the past 4 years (money resolutions, eat better, spend time with friends, finish writing...I GOT TO WRITE!) and it's like...this doesn't make any sense. When I resolve to do something one year, I feel like I shouldn't still have to work on it the next year unless it's a long term goal (i.e. graduate from a doctoral program!). I can't keep doing this to myself. I am starting to feel like a failure.

Enough of this talk! It's time for action. There are several things I NEED to do...there are several things I WANT to do...but I am not going to list them and say "This year I'll do it". I'm just going to do it. I hate resolutions...because if you want to change your life, you will change it...you won't wait for the new year. You'll just go for it.

I am going to let life come as it may and just work on becoming a better person in general. This is not a resolution, this is me changing my life. I do resolve to do one thing. My friend and I had a discussion a while ago, and then recently another one. He said I always tell people I hate them. I told him I do it out of love...I only say that to those I love. More discussion is realized, I send mixed signals, I shouldn't spread hate...spread love.

So from now on...no more "I hate you"s to my friends, family, the people I love...I'll replace that hate with love. "I love you". I love all of you! You guys are awesome...you are my rock...you are my heart. I can't make it without all the people who support me. I will never tell you I hate you again...even though I mean it in the most loving way.

Let's Party...

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Happy Holidays!!!!

I can't believe it's Christmas.
I've been in NYC for almost three whole months. It's so unbelievable. And this has been like the best and worst three months of my 2010 life. It started really high, then dropped really low...and now it's like even. I am just coasting along. I'm trying to make it in this concrete jungle!

I look at my Celibacy blog and think "Oh I was MAD when I wrote that mess..." because you know I was. Not to say I've been getting it in, because I haven't. But let's be honest...if I meet the right man...celibacy won't last that long. However, I will be more picky about my dealings, which is the most important lesson.

Anyway...it's Christmas!!!!! I just want to wish my readers a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Festivus, Happy Kwanza...whatever you celebrate! I hope you have a beautiful holiday. I love that you guys liked my blog enough to follow it...and to read and to comment. It means a lot to me when people tell me how much they like my blog or how something I said meant something to them...etc etc.

I write to stay sane. Thank you for helping me not go crazy.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Love Lockdown: The Celibacy Blog

I am so tired of sex. I am so over it, I can't even find the words to express my disdain for casual encounters. This is not to say I'm having all types of wild sex every day of my life. I am not. Matter of fact, I haven't had sex in approximately 6 weeks...maybe even longer but I am not inclined to break out my calendar and figure out the exact day and time my last physical penetrative encounter occurred. I just know it was in October.

Anyway...let me stop sounding like a prude. Sex is actually quite awesome with the right person. I am a choosy lover...I don't have random encounters of the third kind. I sleep with people I actually like and want a relationship with...that sounds odd huh? Yeah I am different. Despite my musings on here, twitter, and random other social networking sites, I am not some insatiable woman who can not be pleased.

Sex for me is the next level of a relationship; it adds to our understanding of each other and it's almost spiritual in a way. Not some "oh I see God"  type of way but in a "man and woman were created for each other" type of way (with all due respect to gays and lesbians, but being that I am straight, I'll write a straight blog). Nothing pleases me more than physically building with a man who I already enjoy on a platonic, non physical level. Casual sex means nothing to me and most of the time I am left with regret. I find myself "I don't even like this guy like this, so why bother?"

Yes why bother? These past two weeks some males have been attempting to get my attention. I have been very standoffish and unresponsive. I almost cried a few weeks ago when a good friend spent the night (to make sure I was okay) and decided at 2 am that we should have sex. I said no but he kept forcing the issue, pulling on my clothes, and it seemed like a date rape situation was about to go down. He finally got the point and left. Another male (or two) have been sending me texts and BBM's spouting how they would like to be invited over for some wild good times in my small ass room on my air mattress. No thank you.

The fact that these men are so focused on sex with me is a turn off. I am not saying this to brag. I am saying this because obviously men are confused about women. FACT: Women can get sex anytime they want to.  I can sleep with any man I want if I put my mind to it. It's not hard (for me at least...I don't know about you other women...). So the fact that sex is what you are offering me like it's a prize makes you really seem somewhat desperate. The prize is not me having sex with you. It's you having sex with me. I love hard. Why should just any old man get that?

With that said, I'm over it. My love is on lockdown. The next person I have sex with should be my next husband. I'm tired of wasting my loving on fleeting romances and undeserving men. You want this...you gonna have to put in work. I won't lie tho...there is someone who has my attention. And to them I'll say this...