Monday, September 27, 2010

Breakway...

Someone at my old job said that moving is one of the most stressful life experiences a person can have. At first I didn't fully comprehend that statement and now...I am engulfed in it. My last major move was 15 years ago when my mother decided to move my sister and I to Maryland. I was so upset at that move, and could not understand why my mother wouldn't just let me stay with my grandma in Virginia with my family and friends. Now, at *censored* years old, I can see how beneficial that move was for me. Starting new and fresh is sometimes necessary in order to grow and become the person we are meant to be.

On Friday I will be making another major move and I'll admit to everyone, I am scared and nervous. And because of that, I can not begin to pack. I have tried to start but each time I get overwhelmed, frustrated and disgusted. My apartment is a mess from me running the streets the past month, it looks like I am a hoarder in the making. I won't be living alone for at least the first 3 months of my move...which means I can't bring everything. Not that I want to. My mind keeps flip flopping between packing up everything and putting it in storage or just giving everything away and starting new. How do people figure this out? I have to be honest, the furniture in my house is valued at less than $500. So it's not like I am losing anything by giving it away (perhaps selling it...). But I mean, starting from nothing seems a bit too hard.

I have my current apartment until the end of October, which kind of upsets me but at the same time might be helpful. I actually moved into this apartment with nothing and was given my tv from a good friend named Kiron. I should probably ask him if he wants his tv back despite the fact it's broken. Hmmm....I want a new mattress so I should just throw mine out. Perhaps I should upload all my cds and sell them to the CD Depot?  I mean there is so much to decide.

I  put in my two weeks at my job. They told me not to come back last week on Thursday. At first I was pissed, that messes up my checks and pay. I had it all planned out and was hoping to bank that vacation check for my trip to Africa. However, they decided to put me on vacation for my last two weeks. Is that even legal?  Some people told me to fight it...I said fuck it. I'll keep it moving.

So this is where I am right now...Trying to pack for a move in 4 (or 5 days). This is extremely hard, and I am so stressed, I can't even figure out how to begin. Pray for me ya'll. The next time I blog, it will probably be my introduction to my "new" life and that will probably be the direction the blog takes. We will see...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

5 Minute Blog: "Make It Happen"

I love 5 minute blogs! I wish this was my blog's theme. Maybe next time right?

Anyway earlier today I was writing a "review" for my book blog and I am kind of mad at myself. 100 books in one year and I am at 21. I have read a lot of books this year, way more than 21 but I have been slacking on writing my reviews. Either way quoting the crystal merchant from "The Alchemist" struck me hard again.

The crystal merchant says: "I am afraid that if I realize my dream I will have nothing left to live for." 

I read this in July. And I had an epiphany. Have I been sabotaging myself because I was scared to fulfill my own dreams and desires? Perhaps. It's very easy to blame others for your failure or misfortune. Countless times we say "oh I shouldn't have listened to (loser)" or "well if I leave my job they will be short" or something or another. Whatever we say to justify why we choose NOT to move forward with our lives.

I have to give props to those who identify their dreams and go after them no holds bar. I wish I had that strength. I have set countless goals for myself and a majority of the time I am successful. Only when I flake out do I fail. FACT: I can have anything I want to have and I can do anything I want to do. 

95% of the time, I get what I want 100% of the time!
Anyway moving forward, I have a lot of big things coming up. I haven't spoken on them publicly because I like things to be finalized and perfect before I do. I don't want anyone to see me fail. That is my own issue. When you think of Stephanie I want you to think of a winner.Cause that's what the fuck I am. DO BETTER.