Monday, June 28, 2010

Chris Brown is on some old Carl Thomas Shit...

He's emotional!!!!
First off, I already KNOW there will be some hate on this blog and personally, I don't give a damn. Say what you will...I'm going to spit MY truth and reality.
Secondly...R.I.P. Michael Jackson. 

Last year when during the BET awards, I just KNEW Chris Brown was going to come out and represent. Anyway with eyes can see that Chris has been heavily influenced by Michael Jackson in the way he sings and dance. It only seemed right. But of course, there was that not so little incident with Rihanna a few months earlier...and because of that, Chris was not present to pay tribute in a way that only he could have. I was slightly upset. How is MTV gonna show up BET in a tribute? I mean BET is "Black Entertainment Television"...I am black and was hardly entertained.  But I digress...I am not surprised in the least that he didn't perform.

Fast forward to last night, and I am surprised and highly entertained. Chris Brown came out and ripped it (did you guys notice that neither Jay Z, Beyonce, nor Rihanna was in attendance...*team Jesus*). I was in my house singing and dancing along, happy that Chris finally got to do what he's been longing to do...pay tribute to the King (of Pop). As soon as the music dropped for "Man in the Mirror" I knew it was a wrap. This song makes ME cry so I can only imagine what it was going to do to this child...that's right CHILD.

Compared to me, Chris Brown is a child. Straight up and down. A child who made a foolish mistake. A child who will hopefully grow into a man who knows better and control his anger in the correct and proper way. The only person who knows the truth about that night is Chris, RiRi, and God. And only God can judge him. The problem is people are so quick to vilify this young man when they give praises to several other "women beaters" and "child molesters". Months leading up to the situation there were SEVERAL reports of Rihanna hitting on him and fights in hotel rooms, at beaches, at clubs...but pictures say 1000 words. Those pictures came out and it was a wrap for him. He gained some love when that cute white couple danced to "Forever" at their wedding.  That song ended up being #1 on itunes almost 2 years after it dropped. However he is still facing the backlash, and his videos and songs hardly ever air on tv or the radio. But I love the way I can hear R. Kelly every other day or see him singing about being a Pied Piper (oooh the ironies in life...). Again, I digress.

I don't condone what Chris did. But that boy is a child. And children make mistakes. I have been in his position. And I mean that in this MOST literal way. I know what it's like to allow someone to get you so upset that your only recourse is to lash out and smack someone. I know what it's like to feel like you have to fight to get your point across. Thank God for anger management. I know better now. And hopefully he will too. I have friends (female and male) who have been on both sides. Domestic violence is not a situation to be taken lightly. And I don't take it lightly...but when I saw that child crying last night...my heart went out to him. Because not everyone knows that pain and turmoil and frustration that you feel inside...knowing you messed up, letting people down, being unable to release your stress/pain in a non violent way...so they will talk about you and diss you when they have done far worse.

As this child continues to grow and move forward in the future, one can only hope and pray that he grows into a respectable man who knows that the correct answer is to always walk away. I think he gets that.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Are You NOT entertained?

Blogging is hard work.

When I initially started blogging (on myspace) it was all about my life: the ups, downs, good and bad. I talked about any and everything. If you needed a fuck, I didn't give it. I was like oh fuck everything and fuck everybody. It was a hot mess. Somewhere between 25 and 30 I began to care. Mostly about others...not so much about me talking about my life...but my life involves others. Others who rather not be mentioned or others I can't mention because of issues and situations. So there are no more "The Art of Spelling" blogs and as a result, there is no more 100s of kudos or comments.

Then again...I blogged constantly on myspace and maybe it was more user friendly there. I got away from myspace for Lent and tried to make this transition from that blog to this but it's not as successful. There I'd blog about every day life...here I am not as successful. And maybe because my life is changing. I have to give props to General Steele for offering to do his section "Generally Speaking"...but I feel like I do not do enough. I don't even try to really push this blog...there are no clever musings like I did on myspace.

So life is complicated right now...and has been for a while. And I can't talk about everything here...and that bothers me. I don't know who is reading what and who will think what and what's going to fall in the wrong hands. That is part of the reason why I took my twitter feed off the site...to avoid situations and issues. However, in the meantime/in between time...I have been working on my vision board. What's that?!?!

A vision board is a board with all of my goals planned out on it. Unlike my prayer list, this includes actual steps that I need to accomplish. I did a rough sketch of it the other week (see it here: Vision Board) and started the big board which will be placed on my living room wall.

In addition to getting my life together, I've been working on the following:

1. Finding a new apartment to live in
2. Work, work, and more work (thanks to everyone's prayers about me getting that promotion. I won't know until next week)
3. Getting out of debt (which includes even MORE work)
4. Getting healthier (which means drinking water, eating, and trying to be stress-free but I fail)
5. Traveling more
6. Being a better friend

However I'll admit I am in turmoil now. I want to write more but I'm fucking it up...I'm slipping, I'm falling, I can't get up.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

It's 5 am in the morning, do you know where your children are?

I can't believe my ass is up this early on a Sunday. I've actually been up since about 4 am and I have been contemplating making a cheeseburger the whole time. A cheeseburger, crab chips, and a vitamin water. Suffice to say, I haven't gotten out of the bed at all...but I did manage to turn on the computer to do some shopping on Piperlime. I need retail therapy.

This past week has been all types of busy. I  mean everything that could have happened this week HAPPENED this week. As a result, I've been sleeping these incredibly off hours. And now, I sit here watching "True Life: We are breaking up", reading twitter (why is Family Matters trending?!?!), and shopping. During several different debates this week I have been told "I like how you're being nonchalant", "Why are you acting like you don't care?", "Yo you got to do something about these f*ckers" "Steff you have to do BOTH of these presentations next week" . I don't have time for all this. I even told my boss that I don't think I want her job because these people are tripping (and I didn't really mean it but I was so overwhelmed that day that all I wanted to do was walk out and go home and lay down).

I honestly thought that going away last weekend would give me the much needed vacation I needed. (It was a lot of fun and shout out to everyone because all in all it was a great weekend). But I only came back more tired than when I left, a lot more broke, and behind on work. These people don't understand what its like to be me. Not that my life is horrible but damn...can a sister breath?

As a result...I end up awake at 5 am, NOW watching Rugrats, looking around for Tylenol PM so I can get a few more hours of sleep.

Life is so f*cking awesome.