Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Let's Talk About It...

or let's not. Which ever is fine.

Recently I have realized how horrible I am at communicating. I am not an eloquent speaker and the when I go to present, talk, share, or discuss...I have trouble putting the words together in a logical and reasonable way. In my head they sound excellent, but the moment I open my mouth I sound like a teenager who barely passed English. Even in topics that I am well versed in, I fail to get my point across and find myself extremely frustrated or repetitive. I use simple words, and I am straight forward. Normally this is not an issue. I am able to easily relate to the communities I work in because I keep it simple. 

Lately I have been getting into trouble with my words. At work, my boss loves me but her boss wishes I was more professional in my speech. That's fine and understandable. I recognize my faults. At home, my simple compliments to my friends are taken as me being flirtatious or  over board. I rejoice in my friends joys and I smile at them and send them well wishes. Yes I may say "You look great today!" but that's not an attempt to holla and have some type of hot wild sex on your living room floor. I recently apologized to one of my friends and his girlfriend (well...I told him but not her). Apparently I was overboard, not that he said something but someone else did. So I says "If I came across as trying to holla, it's not that." because I just truly respect this person and I am impressed by his (and her) genius. But I mean no harm...but apparently I am a flirt.

It somewhat bothers me to be misunderstood. I thought staying simple would get my point across better. It does not. It's actually quite the opposite. I find myself arguing with some random person once a week because of a "misunderstand" and what's more crucial is when this happens via the internet for several reasons.

1. It's never that serious.
2. Because in real life, you wouldn't pop shit.
3. It's never that serious

I use to cherish my written words thinking that my stories and poems had the power to paint beautiful pictures in a person's mind as they read them. I now think the opposite. I find it harder and harder to blog because I feel inadequate when I compare my words to others. But it's not a competition. But it is about me feeling like I am too young and that people don't take me serious.

I care just about as much as the next person. I may not be able to find the right words to express the sentiment I want to display but I have as much passion as the next person and will work as hard. And it's hard to keep your friends and your loved ones happy when they think you don't care because the moment you get frustrated with your words you hang up the phone or your curse (because that's always easier) or you shut down. These people don't understand...why should I bother right.

Ahh...but what's due? BETTER. (yeah Due: Better or Do Better) and I said at the beginning of the year that I all I wanted to really do this year was become a better person in all aspects of my life. So okay...I will work on my communication skills. Not only for myself, but for my job, for my friends, and my family.

I don't want to just prove others wrong about me...I want to prove to myself that I am not some hood ghetto girl with a degree who can't talk. (yes this is what a friend said about me...)


  1. Wow. It's interesting the short-comings we internalize. I would never think that was something you struggled with. But that's beautiful , and I hope you grow and develop a strong and effective way to get your point and feelings across!

  2. john
    worth a look at.

  3. What's TRULY interesting is that I feel the SAME exact way on my blog. I recently had a guest writer (as you know) and even while editing her post I somewhat hesitated bc I felt her writing is soo much better than mine. I also feel like I should be doing this another way unlike the one I am... But on the other hand ppl tell me they really adore my blog so Idk.

    I say just write from your heart.

    I happen to LOVE the way you write.