I was enthralled in fantasy this past week. I have a tendency to want to romanticize my life. I am waiting on that epic love story to happen...I am being a typical woman. No I am not waiting to be saved, but I am waiting for that moment when nothing else matters. It's hard because I want a man who has it all, because I want it all and will give my all. However, my fantasies are full of romance and love and sensual moments shared between me and *whoever* I am fancying at the moment. Once I no longer can see you in my fantasies, I no longer want you. Is that horrible?
Anyway this past week I have been recounting the most "romantic" moment in my life. My friends and I were discussing romance, and these ladies have stories about romantic getaways, rose petals on the bed, the naked under the trench coat, feeding strawberries...you know, the usual. I have to admit I am slightly jealous. When I think of my romantic life, I can think of ONE instance that held me captive, only to be let down. And it wasn't with a boyfriend. The irony.
When I was 18/19, I had a crush on this guy. He was fine, captivating, and a great friend. He made me laugh and when I needed him, he was always down to help me. However, he was my ex-boyfriend's friend. Now see I had no problem giving it to this guy, my ex was a loser and got a freshman (in high school) pregnant and was seeing his current wife while he was dating me. So this man moved on, and I wanted to move on to "C". I did all the typical things girls do to get a man's attention: put on make up, wear sexy cute clothes, flirted so hard it was borderline slutacious.
So fast forward, C was fixing my brakes on my car. I was at his house, we were in inside for some reason. No one else was there, and I figure this man will give it up now. He tells me he thinks he saw my ex drive by. We looked out the window. We were so close that all we needed to be was naked. I turned to him and looked up, he looked down. And for that moment, I was filled with all the emotions that love stories are made of. It was raining, my chest was heaving, I wanted this man more than life itself. He stared at me and his eyes were filled with desire. He says to me "let's test the brakes and walks away." My feelings were all types of hurt. But when I think of romance and love, I think of that moment...but it ends very differently. Not with sex, but with the most passionate kiss. I did end up getting that kiss later but that was it.
He later proclaimed he wanted me but couldn't because I dated his friend.
Life is funny.
I want romance.