Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Pursuing your dreams...

How many of us are really pursuing our dreams? The past 5 weeks I have been trying to look deep inside of me to figure out what I really want to do. I make out list after list of things that I would love to do. I don't want to "work". They always say that if you find something you love doing, it will never feel like work. I tried to think back to the last time work didn't feel like it.

I think back to when I was doing my Master Thesis. That was a lot of work (60 pages of work...) that didn't phase me. I found it exciting to research HIV and AIDS and develop new and exciting ways to educate people on HIV prevention. I sometimes pull out that project and read over it. And I am like "this is sooo good! Why can't I do this?"

Why can't I work in HIV and AIDS research? I am not even mad about my old job anymore. I realize a month into it that I hated it. I don't like nutrition, I could care less about obesity in America. And that job could care less about the African American community and more concerned with getting loan repayment from the NIH for working in an "underserved" community. I peeped game long time ago. But who cares?

In order to continue to get unemployment, I have to apply to 2 (or maybe 5?) jobs a week. I try to make it closer to 10 but the economy sucks. I go through the usual job sites, and I found one that is so perfect, I immediately put it on my prayer list and applied. I meet all the requirements, the only drawback is that I don't have a lot (or any) HIV/AIDS research experience. Some people say that shouldn't matter, but experience matters A LOT now. I was told by a job last week they didn't want to train anyone, they didn't have the time or money to do that.

In order to get experience, I have to backpedal. I was offered a job in a woman's health clinic. It's part time. It's not "official" yet because they want me to come in and see the day to day operations before I accept. The job pays me a little more than half my last job paid. What can I do? It's always easier to get a job when you already have one. The lady already told me that she wanted to expand what the clinic offers and that if I want to write grants and get the money to do any type of research there, I can. I like her a lot.

I don't know what to do though...I feel lost. I have no real direction. I don't know what I could do that would make me 100% happy. Or if that is even possible.

Goodness...I wish I could just win the lottery and then go traveling for the next year.


  1. hmmm...I pray I'll hit the Mega Millions every Tues and Fri night homie but I figure I am just outright wasting my time. You are the third one I've come across today that has been doing some self reflection. I have no idea of how many ppl are pursuing their dreams but what I DO know is that ppl get comfy in their JOBS and tend to forget about their dreams, which sux. I am actively pursing though. I just want to act homie, that is it. Fuck a 9 to 5, 13 years of that shit is enough. I say to continue to reflect and like you said, given the state of the economy, you may have to backpedal a bit but if it's in doing what you really like and/or love..then fuckit.

  2. I hate work too. But I still haven't found a job that pays for me to lounge around all day and play video games. But I did find out what I can do without even noticing the time that has passed.

  3. yo, we twinned in the present dissatisfaction you speak off...i am on the brink of abandoning hope, but again, that is something i cannot afford.

    anyways, you point is 'tooken'.

    btw...i came across your profile on okplayer...from the book post...Medical Apartheid is indeed a wonderful, erudite book.

  4. Thanks for the comments. And yes, I think everyone is feeling it.

    but the book, Medical Apartheid...I think I may blog on it when I am done