I have to blog this, tell people in mass because I can't have this conversation repeatedly.
I lost my job today.
I didn't get "fired". I didn't do anything wrong. I worked as hard as I could. I tried my best...but some things are out of your control. Ever since that talk about my record, I felt a certain way. I knew something would come up. I started looking a few weeks and had a (unsuccessful) phone interview last week. It didn't flow smoothly and I knew what "we will get back to you" means. But it was good practice. But I have been looking, but not seriously. The past two weeks, I felt a little more positive. Then I found out these chicks at my job were hating on me. I don't know why I would get ganged up on like that. I am not a mean person. Really...I'm not.
However, this morning I read my horoscope on MSN and it said:
Career matters may be undergoing some pretty heavy changes. You may change positions or jobs, or perhaps even pursuing an entirely new career. Financial matters may be a major factor in your making the change. You yourself may be going through an inner transformation which makes you feel and appear more powerful, dear Capricorn, and which causes others to have even more confidence in you. Success is on the way - if you make the best possible use of your own talents.
I felt it in the pit of my stomach.
I was processing the gift cards earlier this morning and then realized that the meeting that was suppose to happen at 11:00 hadn't started. So I go to look for everyone and can't find no one. Everything was shady. No one was around. I go to lunch at 12 and I tell my ex co-worker "if anything happens, I will just go teach in VA." And after lunch, it's still quiet. No one is around. The secretary doesn't look my way when I say hi. My boss asks to see me and then the axe falls.
I was somewhat stoic. I didn't react either way. I didn't hear her words as she asked me to show her some stuff. I attempted and finally said "I can't do this...that's all I have." and proceeded to gather my things and leave. As I left no one was around. I didn't return the keys. I didn't return my badge. I took my letter that stated my last day is "May 20" and that I would get paid to "May 30." I walked to the library and filed unemployment immediately.
I sat in the library and tried to apply to some jobs. I felt a sense of urgency. I am not bad off but still...I can't NOT work. I did that for an hour or so, trying to be positive. I got in my car and called my best friend and then I cried. He tried to cheer me up but it fell on death ears.
He said stop complaining. That's all you ever do now. You should be happy.
Is he right? I mean, I think I put that energy out there. I clearly said a month ago on a message board that sometimes I wish I would get laid off so I could chill at my crib and collect unemployment. I needed a break.
So I guess I got that break.
the moral of this story is...be careful what you wish for.