Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Excuse me sir, can you point me to the unemployment line?

*sigh*
I have to blog this, tell people in mass because I can't have this conversation repeatedly.
I lost my job today.
I didn't get "fired". I didn't do anything wrong. I worked as hard as I could. I tried my best...but some things are out of your control. Ever since that talk about my record, I felt a certain way. I knew something would come up. I started looking a few weeks and had a (unsuccessful) phone interview last week. It didn't flow smoothly and I knew what "we will get back to you" means. But it was good practice. But I have been looking, but not seriously. The past two weeks, I felt a little more positive. Then I found out these chicks at my job were hating on me. I don't know why I would get ganged up on like that. I am not a mean person. Really...I'm not.

However, this morning I read my horoscope on MSN and it said:

Career matters may be undergoing some pretty heavy changes. You may change positions or jobs, or perhaps even pursuing an entirely new career. Financial matters may be a major factor in your making the change. You yourself may be going through an inner transformation which makes you feel and appear more powerful, dear Capricorn, and which causes others to have even more confidence in you. Success is on the way - if you make the best possible use of your own talents.

I felt it in the pit of my stomach.

I was processing the gift cards earlier this morning and then realized that the meeting that was suppose to happen at 11:00 hadn't started. So I go to look for everyone and can't find no one. Everything was shady. No one was around. I go to lunch at 12 and I tell my ex co-worker "if anything happens, I will just go teach in VA." And after lunch, it's still quiet. No one is around. The secretary doesn't look my way when I say hi. My boss asks to see me and then the axe falls.

I was somewhat stoic. I didn't react either way. I didn't hear her words as she asked me to show her some stuff. I attempted and finally said "I can't do this...that's all I have." and proceeded to gather my things and leave. As I left no one was around. I didn't return the keys. I didn't return my badge. I took my letter that stated my last day is "May 20" and that I would get paid to "May 30." I walked to the library and filed unemployment immediately.

I sat in the library and tried to apply to some jobs. I felt a sense of urgency. I am not bad off but still...I can't NOT work. I did that for an hour or so, trying to be positive. I got in my car and called my best friend and then I cried. He tried to cheer me up but it fell on death ears.

He said stop complaining. That's all you ever do now. You should be happy.

Is he right? I mean, I think I put that energy out there. I clearly said a month ago on a message board that sometimes I wish I would get laid off so I could chill at my crib and collect unemployment. I needed a break.
So I guess I got that break.

the moral of this story is...be careful what you wish for.

2 comments:

  1. Poor Steff!!! I hope you're gonna be okay soon.
    You're right about being careful what you wish for, BUT you also need to keep in mind that sometimes things happen that we don't understand right away and after a while we understand the bigger picture and things start to make sense. Whatever's supposed to happen will happen, and you will be fine. I'm absolutely sure of that. This might just be exactly what you need for your life to go the way it's supposed to start going from now on. One day you might understand why this needed to happen.. or maybe you won't. But you WILL be okay. Have faith!!
    Kisses!

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  2. welcome to the team. Take the time to read some good books and evaluate what you really want in life. Its working for me so far.

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